My Most Embarrassing Moment

A friend of mine told me that because I have been receiving some unfavorable reactions to some of my post that it is only fair to say something extremely bad about myself. I didn't think that it is fair for me to even the score with myself for other people who have misinterpreted my thoughts. But because some people that I actually do care about have been hurt, I have decided to tell the story of my most embarrassing moment.

For me to talk bad about myself isn't a problem at all because I am good at taking the same cruelty that I dish out (so to speak). The real problem is that.....I simply don't get embarrassed. I'm sure that some of you will read this and say that everyone gets embarrassed, but in all honesty I don't. So i have a slight dilemma here...Do I:

A.) disregard my agreement with my friend about telling my most embarrassing story
or
B.) struggle to find something that I have actually been embarrassed about. ................................................................................................................................

After taking some time I decided to dig deep and find a moment that had me feeling embarrassed. Now, I do have some things that I have done that I ain't proud of doing but I am not embarrassed for doing them. For instance, one night I got drunk, really drunk, like extremely drunk to the point where I didn't really remember my night before. Of course being the idiot that I am, I spent the night with a girl who in the morning told me the story of what happened the night before. Long story short (because this is not my most embarrassing moment) we had sex that night and she explained that I put on a monologue performance that could have gotten me cast as the star who replaces Denzel in Malcom X pt. 2. When she told me that I was verbal with her in bed, and with the anti-Rico Suave sex lecture she claims that I was telling her, I was disgusted with myself but not embarrassed. I wasn't embarrassed because apparently she didn't care about my "love speech" but more about my ability to stroke while inebriated.

So, clearly I have some moments that aren't very shiny but I don't find much to be embarrassing. So I took some more time and came up with this..............................

My most embarrassing moment is actually what gave me the confidence to be a hip-hop artist who is not afraid of putting his talent on display. The moment goes as follows:

6th grade math class in Birmingham, Al at Bush Middle School (go Bulldogs!) around 1:30 p.m. I was sitting in class talking way too mannish to this beautiful girl who I had a Texas sized crush on. The girl got upset with something that I said to her which referenced the size of her booty --

**See my mouth has always gotten me into trouble...and I have always been an "ass man" (pause)

So she caused this big scene in the middle of the classroom and told the teacher what I said. In reaction, the students in the class, who were taking an important test, laughed their asses off (guys laughed because they enjoyed a good "ass" joke, and girls laughed because they were glad that it wasn't directed towards them). The teacher even got a little kick out of it at first but then ordered me like a drill sergeant to go stand in the corner. Five minutes later I hear the teacher tell the girl to bring her my test off of my desk and then came "the moment".

The mischievous little future slore {slut & whore} (trust me on this one, the future is now present day and she is indeed a Slore) went through the notebook that I had on my desk and flipped through some of the pages and found an illustration that I drew. The piece was a representation of myself completely. It was artistic and entertaining for the youth and adults. It was my attempt at being an A&R for Snoop Doggy Dogg. To be more specific, it was an album cover (for an album that I completely fabricated and manifested in my own head) for Snoop. I guess the girl was a Snoop Dogg fan and never heard of the album that I created for him. So she made it hear hip-hop civic duty to announce it to the class and show it to the teacher.

**If you have never seen the movie Superbad, there is a scene in the film where this girl knocks over a fat kids lunch box and a shit load of penis illustrations start pouring out onto the floor. Well my embarrassment level was right around the area of the fat kids. #ImJustSayin**




The teacher decided to retaliate for my ass joke on the girl and make rap jokes about me. She asked if I wanted to be Snoop Dogg, if I was going to grow up to be a rap star who didn't know how to do fractions, if I...well you guys get the picture. Nearly every student in the school turned me into the point and giggle or the wait until he passes and laugh hysterically kid. That shit lasted for almost a month.

The jokes finally came to a permanent halt on the day that I was standing outside the band room rapping and decided to throw lyrical haymakers at every person around that I could remember laughing at me. From that day on I was no longer known as "the short kid who was drawing Snoop Doggy Dogg in class" and became known as "Kevi-Kev" the rapper. (give me a break it was 6th fucking grade...Sonny Vega has a better ring to it, doesn't it?)

That experience gave me so much confidence to be comfortable as a kid from Boston growing up in Alabama and as an aspiring hip-hop artist.

**ACADEMY AWARD MOMENT**

I'd like to thank that slore in training for going through my personal belongings like a TSA agent, the teacher who looked into my most private locker of my soul and using it as a stage to make a point, and I'd like to thank all of the little people who laughed at me back then because without your laughter I would not have the fury that helps me write my ass off and make dope music.

P.S. thanks FIRE & ICE for telling me to write my most embarrassing moment!