The Talk

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet I have decided to take some advice on what to write for this post. Which could possibly mean that I actually care about what other people think.
Naaaahhh, I just wanted to give my spectacular brain a rest and write something that someone else would find relevant besides myself. The fact that the idea for this blog came from the most awesome girl that I know just makes this post a wee bit more special. I kicked away some decent ideas before the light bulb of this interesting not-so-evil pandora's box of a topic was mentioned to me. Then I decided to write.

So what's the topic??? .......
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"The Talk"

Now if your a 14-16 year old horny school boy or girl (1) you probably shouldn't be reading anything that I write and (2) you are sorely mistaken on what I mean when I say "The Talk."

The Talk is 3rd most dreaded conversation that a man could have. The number two frightening conversation that a guy can have involves a woman saying something along the lines of "I'm late by multiple months", or " I reenacted the scene from Juno where Ellen Page drank a gallon of Sunny Delight and peed on a stick to find out her ultimate fate". Oh, obviously the number one horrifying conversation that any man could have is the dialogue that involves a hot doctor like Katherine Heigl telling him that he has The Aids.

So, what is the The Talk?

Plain and simple The Talk is the conversation that a guy and a girl, who have been dating for sometime, have to determine what the hell it is that they are doing. It's the conversation that gives the involvement of the two beings a title. It's the talk that has the power to transform a female from being a "jump off/fuck buddy/booty call", or a hangout partner, or even a potential girlfriend candidate to an exclusive girlfriend. But for a guy it's power is used to castrate them from being a "player/pimp/womanizer", or a girls "best guy friend", or even a potential boyfriend candidate into an exclusive future hubby. These aren't all of the situations and variables that lead to the talk, but they are certainly a few combinations that most of us can relate to.

What I recently learned is that The Talk is nearly almost as terrifying to a woman as it is to a man. But of course the reasons are different.

For guys:
The Talk is seen as an end to a good thing. A good thing being, casual sex and random hook ups with a chick who will put up with us until she feels the need to screw it up by asking questions and catching feelings. The Talk for a guy is usually not even a conversation but a hostage negotiation where in order for a woman to release the the key to her panties (for unlocking), and the key to her mouth (for locking) we have to give her exclusivity and become her "Man." The Talk is what forces marriages and also divorces
*sorry, you can't have one with out the other.

For woman:
The Talk is the safest way to trap a man. It a woman's way of outsmarting a man in order to gain a companion. In all honesty the talk is usually the 1st method that women use to lock on to a man. Need I remind you that woman are sneaky and intelligent, which is the deadliest combination since hydrogen & helium isotopes (atoms for the atomic bomb), so a woman is more than capable of finding more catastrophic ways to make a man her personal possession.
Even though The Talk is usually the 1st method that women use, it isn't the most popular. Actually, it's a little thing that I like to call the "Trap-A-N***a-Baby"

***obviously we all aren't negroes so please substitute for your heritage***

The methods that woman use aren't important. The fact that there are some women who fear The Talk almost as much as men tells me women are equally as promiscuous as we are. The difference is woman are willing to strong arm men via sex deprivation and verbal strong-arming with statements such as "you won't get into these panties unless there is a commitment."

Overall The Talk is needed and actually productive, but sometimes hurtful and destructive. It is productive because it can provide two individuals who are ready to take the next step into a relationship with the nudge that they need. But The Talk can be destructive due to two a man and a woman being on separate pages. I mean if the man just wants a nice cozy hole to thrust in and the woman wants a pretty shiny ring to put on, then the end result from The Talk will be something like an episode of Maury (i mean really it doesn't matter if he is the father or not if you just spent the last 25 minutes on national television making an ass of yourself). It just ends bad period.

So what is the point....
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The Talk should only be held by two people who are interested in getting to the same goal, whatever that may be. Whether it's an equal understanding of "just sex and dating" or "no sex and dating" or "all poker chips in, I'm willing to risk it all commitment"; The Talk should only be held when both people are in accordance of what they want from each other.

KP